I started watching one of my favorite Japanese/Korean dramas again.  It was the one that got me started on the drama craze.  In any case, it’s wierd how good stories somehow find a way to relate to your current situation.  Here’s a quote from the drama Long Vacation:

I was alone on my 27th birthday.
I had just broken up with someone.
When I was pondering about being alone,
Asakura called me at midnight.

The second it was my birthday.
He wanted to be the first one to wish me Happy Birthday.
We started seeing each other after that.

Then I turned 28, 29, and 30.
I had three birthdays and each time,
at midnight before anyone else, he would wish me Happy Birthday.

I thought it would go on forever.

How wonderful.

~Long Vacation, Minami to Sena, Episode 1

I just got back from a month of travelling.  Back to Melbourne, then met up with my girlfriend to travel to Kuala Lumpur, Phuket, Phnom Penh, Siem Reap, Bangkok, and Chiang Mai.  Now I’m back in Singapore for 10 more days before I move to Kuala Lumpur while my girlfriend is traveling to Shanghai over the holidays.  Ten days, where I get to celebrate Christmas alone in a country I can’t stand.

It’s hard to be apart from someone once you have spent so much time with them.  It’s like a hole has opened up… something that needs to be filled.  I do miss her, but I also want her to have fun while she is travelling.  I don’t want her to miss me on Christmas, but I can’t help but miss her.  To make matters worse, I’ve never felt more poor and homeless than I have right now.  I’m living in my office, since my business partner’s family is visiting and I can’t stay at his place anymore.  It’s only 10 days, but so much has changed about this company.

I’ve come to realize how big the cultural gap between me and my business partner is.  Not only in terms of nationality, but especially wealth and job function.  I think the last two are the things that get me the most.  My business partner, Jaff doesn’t seem to understand how much his emphasis on class and money negatively impacts me and the business we are trying to start.  Ultimately, I think these differences will force one of us out of this company, or most likely cause this venture to fail.

In any case, there are more pressing issues that are on my mind now.  I’m taking the next big step with my relationship with my girlfriend, and I plan on moving in with her up in Kuala Lumpur.  Since I am feeling that this company is not my baby anymore, I feel I need to distance myself from it.  I have two choices:

1. Move back to Melbourne
   I will be in a place that I love with good friends.
   I will be apart from Angel.
   Looking into the visa issues, it would be really hard for her to be able to move to Melbourne with me.
   I will be able to distance myself from this company and start working again on things that matter to me.
2. Move to Kuala Lumpur
   I much prefer Kuala Lumpur to Singapore, but still don’t like it as much as Melbourne.
   I have no friends in Kuala Lumpur.
   I will be with Angel.
   After 1 year of living together, we can get declared as de-facto spouses and migrate to Australia together.
   I will be able to distance myself from this company and start working again on things that matter to me.

So, I’ve decided to move to Kuala Lumpur, it’s a gamble that I hope will work out down the line.  I have some key people that I know in Australia that I would really like to do a startup with, but as of this moment they are not ready.  I think of doing a startup like an egg.  You need to find the right people, and the right people have to be at the right time in their lives.  I know some key people, but they are still in the incubation stage.  It may be several years before they hatch.  I’m not sure what stage I will be in when that happens, but I have a window of time, and I am hoping that it works out.

As for Angel, she keeps telling me that I should just move back to Melbourne.  And, to be honest, if it weren’t for her, I would move back for sure at this point.  The main reason for me being in this area was the company.  Since I am losing interest in this venture and I mentally can’t live in Singapore any longer, it makes sense for me to move back.  The only problem is, I would never know what it is like to live with Angel.  I explained it to her that this is really the only chance we have for us to see whether this relationship can/will go further.  It is the only chance we have to live together.  I know we are both worried that the strain of me living in Kuala Lumpur will cause the relationship to deteriorate.  This is also the first time I have ever lived with a girlfriend before.  From her past experience, Angel said that everything changes once you live together.

The thing that makes me think that this is the right choice is that I still believe that people shouldn’t waste time being in a relationship if it is not meant to be.  Living together with Angel is the fastest way for me to know whether this relationship is meant to be.  If I moved to Melbourne now, it may take years of my life to find out whether we would work out.  It’s a scary thought… and I know we are both afraid of what might happen, but we both need to know before we waste too many years on a relationship that might not work.  Right now, I love being with Angel, but I’m objective about this relationship.  If we are truly meant to be with each other, I want to find out as soon as possible.  If we aren’t meant to be with each other, I want to find out as soon as possible too.  If I live with her for a year and still feel the same about her, then I will have my answer.