Sad movies, sad songs, and sad stories have always intrigued me for some reason.  It seems like I’m opposite from a lot of people.  I enjoy hearing sad stories more than I enjoy hearing happy ones.  I’m not sure what it is about them… maybe it’s because they are more true to life somehow.  Maybe, at some level, I can really relate to the situations that the characters are going through.  They are a slice of what true humanity is all about.

In a way, this is why I don’t understand people who only want to watch happy movies.  They are missing out on a large part of life.  Can you truly be happy if you don’t know what it is like to be sad?  Watching sad movies makes me feel more real somehow.  It helps me feel all the emotions that I am not able to express in real life, and by watching actors and actresses expressing their emotions on the screen, I feel that I am able to release the pent up emotion inside of myself.

I mean, honestly, I want to feel those types of emotions… but for some reason, because of society or because of who I am, I just can’t be that way in real life.  It makes me sad… to feel like I might be living a lie.  I always wondered why women and gay guys were always allowed to express their emotions, but straight guys were never allowed to.  It’s a sad fact of our society.

It’s a strange feeling when you send out an e-mail to someone you haven’t seen in a while… especially someone you like.  I’m not sure how to explain it, but there’s that anticipation right before you send it out.  A moment where you think it over and you second guess yourself.  Should I send this e-mail?  What will the person think about it?  and most importantly. How will the person respond?

All these thoughts ran through my head right before I sent off an e-mail to a friend of mine that I haven’t seen in a while.  At the end of it, I mentioned that her life is “like a good book, once I read the first chapter, I just have to find out what happens in the next chapter.”  So having closed my eyes, I pressed the send button, and there was no going back!

The next day, I checked my e-mail eagerly but still no reply… by the end of the day, I was a bit depressed and went into a phase of rationalization.  Well, of course she can’t write me back, she’s so busy doing other things.  There’s a lot going on in her life right now… that’s what makes her interesting.  Then, after a second day, the utter hopelessness of it sets in and I realize that maybe she just won’t reply.  Finally, after the third day… acceptance.  This is the way it’s going to be, and this is the way it will always be.  How could I have ever hoped for more.

But this is just the beginning of the rollercoaster.  There is no up if there is no down.  So finally after about a week, I get an e-mail from her, and all the sudden it’s like we’ve known each other our whole lives.  It’s like nothing ever happened.  It’s a feeling of utter elation.  The feeling that you are cared enough about to be responded to.  Then reading the end, my spirits really lifted.  She wrote at the end “you are one of the good books too.”  You know, it’s really the simple things in life that make a difference.

I just saw this musical called The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.  The musical was pretty entertaining and funny… but one part really stuck out in my mind.  In the play there is this Asian girl who is a spelling wiz.  During the bee, while she is trying to spell “camouflage”, she breaks into song and dance about how she is always first at everything… she knows 6 (not 5) different languages, does fencing, plays the piano… and then all the sudden she decides to mess up the word (even though she obviously knows it).  How strange is that?

Anyway, it got me thinking how a lot of Asians are pushed by their parents to be the best at everything.  I mean, I personally was pushed to be the best academically, musically, and language-lly; and I, of course, rejected two of the three.  In the end, though, is being the best really what makes people happy.  My guess is that it really doesn’t.  Why is it that people put so much emphasis on being successful and so little emphasis on being happy in life?

So anyway, the story ends up that the Asian girl goes on to write a book entitled “How to achieve less than expected” and it of course sells less than expected… but she is happy.

Well getting permanent residency has turned out to be really a painful experience.  In order for me to get permanent residency in Australia, I need to get certified as a computing professional there.  Can you believe that?  I mean, I’ve already worked in Australia as a computing professional!  What more do they need.

 To further the painfulness of it all, I need to get verifications from all of the companies that I worked for that I worked for them.  Some of these companies I haven’t worked for in over four years.  I don’t even think they keep records for that long!

 Anyway, this has been a really trying experience and I hope to never have to do it again… and this is even before I actually apply for permanent residency.  Man, my migration lawyer really sucks.  I can’t believe how bad they are… they didn’t tell me about so many documents that I needed.  It’s too late now because I have already paid them a good amount just to get it this far.

Well after being here about 3 weeks, I can honestly say that people just aren’t as friendly here.  I can’t really explain it, but it just seems like everyone is so into themselves here.  There is such a huge divide between the rich and the poor, and the haves and have nots.  I don’t understand why people want so much to differentiate themselves from others.  It’s something I never saw in Melbourne.

Another thing that has been really bothering me about San Francisco (though I suspect it’s not just a San Francisco problem), is the fact that it seems so acceptable to discriminate against guys.  I’ve been doing a lot of craigslist surfing these days… partly for entertainment purposes, but partly because I honestly want to find people to hang out with.  I’m very disappointed with the number of people that only want to meet females.

 It’s like somehow, these people really just want to have a relationship.  Now, I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship either, but I’m not gonna rule out meeting half the population just because of some stupid notion that I will meet someone that way.  So I can understand it when you are explicitly looking for a significant other, but when you are just looking for someone to see a movie with or learn how to cook indian food or a place to live is when it just gets ridiculous.

Anyway, I’m just venting.