Sometimes I wonder how much of someone’s life is the culture they come from and how much is of their own making. Being American, I’ve always been brought up to believe that you are what you make of yourself… no one, not family, not friends, not society can tell you who you are and dictate your life decisions. But, I meet people every day that tell me that “You can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be X” (insert culture or race in the X) or “You don’t understand what it is like to have so much responsibility” or “You grew up in such a priveleged society, so you have no idea.”
It really bugs me when people say that. For one, they have given up on the idea of explaining their choices and decisions. I’ve always believed that every decision in life needs to have a logical reason behind it. It just has to make sense. When someone can’t explain why they are doing something, it just makes me think that they don’t really care about themselves or their dreams. I still strongly believe that you are what you make of yourself. Everyone likes to tell you how to live your life or that you need to do such and such. If you listen to all of that, then of course you are going to feel like you have great responsibilities. If you do the much harder thing and listen to yourself, then the responsibility is only to yourself.
I would say that a staggeringly high percentage of people I know (nearly 90%) can’t convince themselves that if they really want something, they can get it, and they can get it right now. People are really good at giving excuses… and not many people are good at doing anything. Growing up in the U.S. isn’t about being priveleged, it’s about being taught that if you have a dream, you go after it… responsibilities or not, what matters is the journey.
I know this isn’t the case in other countries, and I often wonder if I had grown up in other countries if I would think just like the people I know from these countries. Would I feel that responsibility takes precedence over personal fulfillment? Somehow, I feel this part of me is so core to who I am that I would feel the same even if I had grown up in a “less priveleged” society. Then, these people couldn’t use the excuse that “You can’t possibly understand what it’s like to have so much responsibility.” You define your own responsibilities. The responsibilities don’t define you.
Why is it that the most interesting people in life are the people that want, no need, something out of life? There are some people in life who just passively live life, and then there are those people who actively live it. What do I mean?
Someone who passively lives life is someone who is so contented with the way things are, or so unmotivated to do anything about their current life, that they just let life happen to them. Someone who actively lives life is someone who needs something out of living… maybe it’s a thrill, maybe it’s a dream, maybe it’s a passion. People who actively live life are not happy unless they get something out of life, and they are willing to go out on a limb to pursue it. It’s something that emanates from every fibre of their being.
The people who want something out of life are the most interesting because they are looking for something. Maybe I identify with it because they are risk takers… they are movers. To them, it’s worse to stay in one place, job, situation too long even if it means the next thing might be less satisfying. What makes it worth it is that they are going somewhere, and there is a direction to it. The passive liver convinces themselves that they are on top of the mountain and that there is nothing more to see. The active liver always believes that there is something more if they just keep on climbing. Even if they are at the top, they never stop wondering if there is more and pursuing it. You can never go back down the mountain.
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance
…
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they’re worth taking
Lovin’ might be a mistake
But it’s worth making
Don’t let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
…
I hope you still feel small
When you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance
It seems like when I am happy I have a lot less to write about. I really can’t think of a point in my life where I felt so content and happy with the way things are. I’m not in the location that I dreamt about, but still, I am doing what I enjoy and I am with a person that really makes me happy to be who I am. I watched No Reservations again with Angel last night. One quote from it stuck in my mind:
Kate:
I wish there was a cookbook for life… the recipes telling us exactly what to do. I know, I know, you’re gonna say… how else can we learn.
Therapist:
Actually, I wasn’t going to say that. You want to guess again?
Kate:
No no, go ahead.
Therapist:
What I was gonna say was… you know better than anyone. It’s the recipes you create yourself that are the best.
I’ve created my own recipes for life. I hope the result are good. I stopped listening to what people told me I should be doing a long time ago. I stopped caring what people think. In the end what matters is what I think… and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life for it. For some reason, when I am happy, I have less stuff to write about. I guess the majority of my writing ends up being rants of some sort or another. When I have nothing to complain about, I just don’t have much to say.
So, I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t have much to write. It means that I’ve reached a point in my life where I am truly happy. I really hope this lasts. I’ve finally found the balance that I’ve been looking for in life. I’ve started cooking almost every day for me and my girlfriend. I’m spending time working on a game that is finally my own. And honestly, there are worse places in the world I could have set up shop than Kuala Lumpur (see posts about Singapore).
For the first time in my life I feel truly free. I’ve been working so hard since I was a little, but only now do I really feel in control of my own destiny. It’s a good feeling to be master of my own destiny. It’s a scary feeling too. I’m not sure what will happen with me, and I really don’t know where this road is heading. All I know is that this a road that I have to travel down. It’s a path that I need to take in order to be happy. These are the following big changes in my life:
Moved in with my girlfriend. This is the first time that I have ever really lived with someone that I was romantically involved with.
Left the startup that I was doing because of my partner being over focused on money over games.
Starting my own game project and hoping to hire an artist when the time comes to polish the game up. Go team of one!
So these are the big changes for the New Years. I’m not sure what will happen from now on. I need to stay motivated and focused. My goal is that at the end of the year, I will have something that I am really proud to show people… something that is truly about me. It’s a completely artistic and selfish wish, but it is my own, and that is what matters.
About
Food, Travel, and Entertainment... the three most important things in life! I'm a video game player, a video game developer, a fulltime foodie, and a wandering soul. I'm passionate about life and believe in pursuing my dreams. I strive to be original and real, and I believe in meaning and truth. I'm a person in search of something... a Dreamer, a Gamer, a Traveller, a Foodie... on my longest journey.
